For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by aging. When I was young, I constantly yearned to be older. And, when I say older, I don’t mean I wanted to be 16 and able to drive; I mean I wanted to be 70 and sitting peacefully on a front porch. While I have gotten far better at appreciating and being present in my current stage of life, my affinity for older people remains. An adult tap class with an average age of 65? Sign me up. An older gent in suspenders sitting alone on an airplane? My preferred seat partner. An invite to join my mom’s ladies night to watch Book Club, starring the iconic lineup of Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Mary Steenburgen, and Candice Bergen? Ideal.
Though puzzling to some, this pull has always made complete sense to me: Who better to teach all of us about this wild ride that we call life than those who have lived far more of it? Who carries with them wisdom lent only by age? You can imagine, then, how unsettling it was for me to discover that my assumptions, here, were a bit off the mark.
I recently stumbled across an episode of Adam Grant’s WorkLife podcast in which he welcomed Fixer Upper couple Chip and Joanna Gaines. While I’m not much of a podcast person, my unapologetic (albeit basic) love for Chip and Jo made it an immediate listen. At the end of the episode, Adam challenged a question from Chip regarding wise old sages: Why, he countered, does wisdom have anything to do with age? Adam then shared research from Paul Baltes that found that, between the ages of 25 and 75, the correlation between age and wisdom is zero. Wisdom, the research indicates, does not come from experience; rather, it comes from reflecting on experience. It is, thereby, entirely possible to be old and foolish or young and wise.
*Insert mind-blown emoji, here*
Beyond this (admittedly rather intuitive) tidbit turning my world upside down, it highlights the immense power of an incredibly simple tool: Self-Reflection. Self-reflection is one of those things that is truly ubiquitous in its applicability. No matter who you are or what you do, I guarantee it is of use to you. With that, it plays a particularly vital role in the world of mental performance. Self-reflection is everywhere in sport psychology; it’s a tenant of graduate student work, a frequent player in theories of performance excellence, and a crucial component of personal development for practitioners and clients alike. When it comes to youth sport, I would argue that taking the time to develop an athlete’s ability to self-reflect will have a bigger payoff than investing time in nearly any other skill. When reflection is done well, it becomes a true superpower (both on and off the field). Why, exactly, does this tool stand to make such an impact on our athletes? Let’s take a look.
Learning More, Faster
Reflection is of central relevance within our environment for this straightforward reason: At its core, youth sport is about development. The simple role of a kiddo within youth sport is to have fun, learn, and grow. That’s it. The role of adults (coaches, parents, fans) in youth sport, then, is to support the learning and growth of our athletes. And here is the kicker: The practice of reflection is all about learning. In any arena, reflection as a tool lies at the heart of quality development. In order to make the process of growth as efficient and positive as possible (outcomes I know all youth sport stakeholders are highly invested in), reflection is critical. Though athletes are certain to stumble into learning and improvement without reflection, by setting aside time to intentionally reflect on their experiences, athletes more actively take the reins of their development. Athletes that master the skill of self-reflection put themselves in a position to learn more, and learn faster. As I said: A superpower!
In addition to setting the stage for expedited growth, research shows that individuals who have made reflection a habit reap countless benefits. They exhibit increased levels of self-awareness. They perform better. They exhibit better “soft skills”, such as empathy, communication, adaptability, and emotional intelligence. They make better decisions. They build stronger relationships. They are better leaders. They experience a deeper alignment with their personal values. The list goes on.
I wholeheartedly believe that these gains should appeal to athletes, teams, coaches, and support systems at all levels of sport, from youth to professional. By allowing us to know, understand, and develop ourselves better, the ROI of making reflection a habit stands to be massive for all of us, whatever our role within (and beyond) the youth sport environment.
Making Reflection a Habit
The tool of self-reflection asks us to look back on the events of our day to day and intentionally examine, without judgment, our thoughts, feelings, actions, and motivations therein. While most commonly practiced alongside the conclusion of something, like a sport season or calendar year (both of which are serendipitously upon us…it’s almost like I plan these topics out!), integrating self-reflection into our daily lives is the most effective way to derive its full benefits. This prospect can seem a bit intimidating, especially for youth athletes with jam-packed schedules, or coaches running from their day job to training. Nonetheless, because we know how impactful this practice stands to be, I highly encourage all of us to prioritize it.
To make daily self-reflection a habit, consider these six simple steps:
- Schedule It: Before anything else, identify a realistic frequency (daily v. weekly), time of day (AM/PM, after/before ____ ), and duration (5min, 10min, 15min), that you feel lends itself best to consistent self-reflection. For athletes, coaches, and sport parents alike, I suggest reflecting daily upon arriving home from practices or games.
- Pick Your Format: Because of the well-documented power of writing, I am an advocate of journaled reflection. However, if you’re not a writer, options abound! Record a voice note. Draw a doodle. Have a conversation with a friend. Find a medium that works for you and makes you want to engage in reflective practice.
- Use a Model: We’ve set aside time, we’ve bought our journal, we sit down, and…now what? What exactly do I do? If you find yourself here, it can be helpful to utilize a model to guide your reflection.* For youth athletes, consider starting with a simple but specific post-practice/game What Went Well / What’s Worth Improving / What Will I Do. Conveniently, this model can apply to all of us: What did I do well as a (sport) parent today? What can I improve as a coach? What will I change, or keep doing, as an athlete? For those of us seeking a less prescriptive approach, I’m partial to What / So What / Now What.
- Be Intentional: Reflection isn’t about detailing everything that happened in/around a practice or game. It’s about selecting a specific event (or two, or three), and examining our experience within it. Notably, if you pick a lackluster “What”, you won’t get much out of your reflection. So, how do you choose your “What”? Research suggests that reflecting on events that produced high emotion (specifically instances of frustration, surprise, or failure) yield the most significant growth for adults. Though this approach stands to be useful to youth as well, it can get a bit dicey if athletes are naturally hyper-critical, overly comparative, or lacking in maturity. For athletes in these spaces, help them stay productive by working through their reflection with them, or simply stick with a friendlier WWW / WWI / WWD.**
- Practice Curiosity and Compassion: A key element of productive reflection is leading with curiosity and compassion over bias and judgment. Reflection is not about tearing ourselves apart for our on-field mistakes or subpar sideline interactions. Rather, it’s about inviting our more logical mind to curiously explore the thoughts, feelings, and (re)actions we had/took within a situation in order to learn and grow for future situations. The tone I encourage is one of, “Huh. That’s interesting. I wonder where that thought/feeling/behavior came from? What other options did I have?” Allotting time between your chosen event and your reflection on it can make this more open, neutral, and kind approach easier to come by.
- Review Your Reflections: The best self-reflectors are those who, at the end of a week or month, review (and even add to) their daily reflections. For one, this practice allows us to better understand and appreciate our journey of growth, which can sustain motivation and build confidence. Additionally, it can lend us vital insight into patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior that are impossible to detect within a daily reflection. This layered approach lends itself to even greater self-awareness and development.
As I hope to have made clear, reflection can benefit all of us, regardless of our role within youth sport. If we all set aside time to intentionally reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors within the soccer setting, we will all experience positive growth in our roles as athletes, coaches, fans, and sport parents. What’s more, if we all choose to make reflection a habit, we can do it together! Sharing reflections with others not only boosts accountability, but also can deepen the quality and impact of our reflective practice. Who can say no to that win-win?!
The Top of Our Game
In the same way that age, alone, will (much to my dismay) not automatically make me wise, quality time on the field, alone, will not automatically make us better soccer players, coaches, or sport parents. Borrowing from James Bailey, “Being at the top of your game only comes when you extract from your past how to engage the future.” While time and experience lend us the opportunity to learn and grow, self-reflection is the true linchpin of optimal development and performance. In order to get the most out of our experiences, and ultimately become the best version of ourselves (on and off the field), we must commit to practicing self-reflection. Can you imagine a youth soccer environment where every party – coach, parent, fan, athlete, ref – made such a commitment? Where we all tapped into this superpower? Whew. Now that is something to reflect on.
*Because most reflective models guide us toward a certain action or concrete takeaway, they also serve the crucial function of protecting us from the very real threat of helpful self-reflection teetering into unproductive rumination.
**If a kiddo is actively struggling with confidence, I will often instruct them to restrict their reflective practice to examining three What Went Well items. When they feel that they have adequately built up their confidence (and thereby shifted into a mindset more conducive to examining mistakes), we expand the practice.
